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Thursday, August 6, 2009

The Script Activist

My name is Shelby. This blog is my attempt at holding myself accountable as I write my first script , find an agent, and become a successful script writer.

What I’ve only recently realized is that I’ve perpetuated a vicious cycle when it comes to my own happiness. As you’ll find out, I think I’m a great writer—in my head—in fact I know it to be true, as an unproven fact. I tell myself that all of my problems (lack of money, self esteem, and quality of life) will vanish once I sell my first script, or the novel that’s been on page 3 for the last year, or my memoires.

I tell myself this probable-truth every day in the shower while watching my dead skin cells fizzle down the drain, while folding (and not putting away) laundry, or while worrying about my student loans. But, I’ve never really tried to perfect my skills through practice and I haven’t because I’m afraid that if I fail, I’ll have absolutely no story to tell myself in consolation. I hereby declair that, “I’m done with that”. I’m done being afraid of failure or of success, and I want to pay off my student loans—in full!

So here’s the deal. For the last year and a half I’ve been working on classes to earn a teaching credential and a Master’s in Education. During that time, I also became and activist and community organizer. And most importantly of all, I was successful at staying home with my daughter, to boot. I finished my thesis and stopped a corporate polluter in my community by April of ’09. But because of a testing-block resulting in the need to retake two of my CSET subtests, I won’t be able to student-teach until February of ’10, (which is actually good news because I didn't want to put my daughter in daycare half of the day while I pay to teach anyway).

Until my student teaching begins (which, by the way, does not mean I will get a teaching job in our lovely, broke State of California) , I am going to persevere, as I’ve done in so many other times in my life, and this time I’m doing so to achieve MY dream. For, as Carl Gustave Jung says in his famous quote, “who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakes”.

As I start my journey, I have an idea for a new show that I know--if executed correctly--will work. In my personal life I have an almost-five-year-old blessing of a daughter to take care of, a husband who is ever-increasingly able of producing anxiety in me, and a hungry beagle. As for the first, I will rely on my English degree, creativity, and ability to make something out of nothing. As for my family, I will hope for support, love, and acceptance for my decision.

Along the way, I will go backwards, to my past to create characters I'm proud of, so that I can go forward, out of this stuck-in-the-center mode I've been in for a while, to find out whether I can be the writer I've built up in my mind. Will I be a success? I sure hope so! Come along, and find out!

Thank you for reading and, please do, keep in touch.

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